consistency

I cherish consistency. And when such consistency fails, it feels as if I've lost something.

Consistency in the way people I love knows me. The way they read my mood, and how my mood have shifted even without me saying something. Even the way they call my name, feels comforting. And this comfort seems like it's slipping through my fingers as life happens.

Losing consistency makes me feel like it's my fault, even if it's not me who's not consistent anymore. The thing is, people rarely remain the same. Maybe they do, but even when they do, their circumstances change. People can't always be 100% here, because they have to be 100% for themselves too.

This change was kind of a whiplash realisation, because it made me realise that even though I'm not alone, it can feel lonely sometimes. For sometime, to cope with this change, I choose to withdraw into my comfort zone, because at least I can control the variables in my own life and be consistent in my own terms.

But maybe, the end-goal isn't to keep people with you, but the spirit they held, and the love they have poured into your cup to venture to new places, with new people. And maybe, you'll pour into their cup too, and they will yours.

I feel so blessed by the love and laughter people have brought into my life, and I sincerely hope, with all my heart, that you will too.

Missing you,
jugglingjack